Super Junior Dating Advice (´ε` )♡

Hilarious comment from this akp article:

arashi1213 says:

Siwon: Be a sweet Christian girl with wavy long hair. Bring him your favorite Bible verses. But mainly be f***ing hot. Remember the hot part especially. HOT. Don’t expect to go all the way with him on the first date. Or the second. Or third. Or ever, unless you wait around for the 234th date. Then, you will finally get to have a SUPER (junior) religious experience. There’s a reason he’s called the Abmighty Shisus.

Leeteuk:Tell him he doesn’t look a day over 20. He’ll f*** you through the headboard and into the next room. And he’s quite capable of it. Internet search animated gifs of him at the 2010 Dream Concert. You know which one it is. Also, be careful of his back. Grandpa’s a little rickety there.

Eunhyuk: Call him your little Anchovy and give him strawberry milk. No alcohol for Hyukkie. Pretend to let him dominate over you. We all know he’ll be wrapped around your finger in the end. Just ask Donghae.

Donghae: Promise him children. Many, many children who will play sports. Let him be a little submissive sometimes. He also might cry when seeing band-mates, old friends, family members, leaves falling from trees, and probably street signs. Distract him by cutting your hair short, dying it platinum blond, and telling him what to do. Conversation topics to stay away from: Aliens and anything really complicated. Otherwise you’ll become acquainted with a really blank, vacant look. See also Max Changmin from TVXQ.

Shindong: Is he even still on the market? Or was Nari photoshopped in for several years? No matter. Shindong’s hilarious as all get out, so you’ll be laughing too hard to do anything else. Except eating. You’ll definitely get some awesome food somewhere. You’ll probably also visit his PC Bang for some PC Bang-ing. Like computer games. Get your mind out of the gutter.

Kyuhyun:First, you’ll have to rip him from Starcraft, Diablo, or any historical kdrama he happens to be occupied with. Do it by offering to take him to a wine tasting. Keep him away from children, sharp objects, loud noises, and stupid people. If you get tired of being mercilessly teased, relax. He’s into you if this happens. Take this opportunity to invite him to act out scenes from kdramas. Make sure you get it right. If you do, you’re going home with Kyuhyun for the sexy times. Or more Starcraft. Goddammit.

Yesung:Take a lot of caffeine and speed before the date. Laugh at his jokes even when you don’t get them. Don’t talk about his hands. If you want to go home with him for the night, let him touch your philtrum. You’d better get used to it because you will wake up sometime in the middle of the night where he’s doing it anyways.

Heechul:Although technically in the army, Chullie has some free time in the evenings. In order to date him, you’re pretty much going to have to come to terms with the fact that he’s prettier than you. So. Much. So don’t be weirded out when he interlocks his lady-fingers with yours. Or when his hair is shinier than you. Or when he shows up dressed like Lady Hee Hee. Or just a girl in general. It helps him walk around easily without detection. Just use this opportunity to learn what it feels like to be sort of be a lesbian for a night. Unless he takes you home. Then you’re going to be made very aware that HE IS NOT A WOMAN. Just ask Siwon.

Sungmin:Sungmin will disarm you by acting like a little lost boy. He will ask you how you are doing, tell you you’re pretty, take you to get your nails done. Once you are completely under his innocent spell and feel comfortable, you will barely noticed that his hands are already under your shirt. You’ll tear it up and when it’s over, he’ll return to that sweet little lost boy. You’ll also get home before 10pm. You will look just as fresh and clean as you did when you began the evening, but you’ll be standing on the steps of your house, watching him wave goodbye with a bright, innocent smile and wonder how it was physically possible for someone to both fiercely take your virginity and sweetly give it back after he’s through with you. 

Ryeowook:Pretty much just like Sungmin, except he’s keeping your virginity and you’re missing a shoe.

Have fun.

 

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